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Sep
18

Rick Perry Will Fucking Kill You

Well it’s election time again.  You know what that means, here comes the clown car.  Seriously, didn’t we just go through this shit?  The President will obviously take the Democratic nomination…unless he fucks it up between now and then.  Completely possible.  The Republican nomination is wide open though.  So let’s take a look at some of these clown shoes as they are the relative new comers to this carnival.  For this particular entry I would like to focus on just one of these Darwinian set-backs.  Maybe we’ll get to the rest later.  Right now let’s take a look at Rick “Super Cuts” Perry.

So who’s this dude?  Well he’s the governor of Texas.  Yeah, another one of those guys.  Remember how well that worked out last time?  I would love to start judging him based on this alone but I guess in all fairness we shouldn’t.  Perhaps Texas isn’t the crazy factory it seems to be so we should check where Rick Perry stands on some of the issues.

He's mad about taxes and he's the second craziest thing to come out of Texas

Here’s one that doesn’t get brought up in a lot of Presidential debates anymore.  Here is what Haircut said in a recent interview.

“When we [Texas] came into the nation in 1845, we were a republic, we were a stand-alone nation. And one of the deals was, we can leave anytime we want. So we’re kind of thinking about that again.”Rick Perry

What?!  Are you fucking kidding me?!  In case you didn’t attend school in the Western Hemisphere or have never channel surfed past PBS in your entire life, let me spell out for you what the super do is suggesting.  He’s claiming that he and his fellow Texans are considering secession!  Yes, succeeding from the Union is on the table for Rick Perry.  Remember the last guys who suggested that same idea?!

Technically speaking, the most similar candidate to Rick Perry on this issues

A country torn apart, brother against brother, over a million dead Americans…do we really want to revisit this?  His Presidential campaign is open rebellion?  Abraham Lincoln, the President that presided and persevered over the Civil War, the man who stood against secession went down in history as one of if not the greatest President in American history.  And this is what the Texas top hat thinks is good policy?  Honestly, I could end this blog entry right now and call the authorities to take this guy into custody as soon as possible.

But no, believe it or not, this man is leading the other Republican candidates in the poll numbers!  What’s going on here?  Either more people want to bring back slavery than I thought or Perry has some other plan for this country that I’m unaware of.  Besides open revolt, let’s see what skull cap’s other talking points are.

More of a Michelle Bachmann kind of guy

Here is another one of his well thought out gems.  Rick Perry wants to alter the constitution to prevent the public from electing senators.  He wants to give the ability to “Appoint” senators to the governor or legislature of each state.  Since he is a governor himself this would of course increase his own power significantly.  With all the talk about exporting democracy and the flag waving that goes on in this country, why would someone suggest limiting the public’s control over electing their own congressmen?  Wasn’t one of the principle arguments of the American Revolution a lack of representation?  And now Rick Perry thinks we have too much of it?

Taxation without representation...and light sabers

What reason could he possibly have for wanting to do this?  I hope you’re sitting down.  Perry claims that giving the population the right to elect their own senators was a conspiracy to give the government more control over the population…???  Let me say that again.  Perry says that letting people elect their own representatives was a plot to give control over these same people to the government.  Everybody got that?

But wait, he’s not done yet.  This sinister plot is just the first part of a larger scale plan to take over the world by the people blow dry calls the “Progressives”.  The other half of this two part plan is to steal wealth by taxing the rich.  Taxing the rich and giving people more control to elect their own representatives.  That’s the horrible communist plot that Rick Perry has vowed to put an end to.  Sounds like it was taken right out of a Bond movie doesn’t it?

- Fed Up by Rick Perry

So it should come as no surprise that Perry is no friend of Social Security.  Just another plan by the evil Progressives to harm the wealthy by having citizens pay into a fund so when they get older they can retire and get the money back that they paid in.  Perry has vigorously attacked Social Security calling it a Ponzi scheme and a monstrous lie and that it has been a complete failure.  He has stated that he would like to give the states the ability to “opt-out” of Social Security if they so choose.  One gets the impression that it won’t be the people doing the “opting-out” in this scenario.  Question, if he wins the election can the states “opt-out” of Rick Perry?

Does this picture really need a comment?

Perry knows how Social Security works.  You have more people working than there are people collecting benefits.  As long as there are enough people paying in, there won’t be a problem.  Social Security has quite the surplus and will be fine for another quarter century at least.  However, if whole states “opt-out”, as if it were some sort of mailing list or something, then we’ve got a problem.  Social Security is not part of the general fund.  It is completely separate from the annual budget and adds nothing to the deficit and never has.  But now Rick Perry wants to shoot it in the face.  If he becomes President of this country we can expect him to either put an end to it or hand it over to corporations.

Privatizing Social Security

Giving Social Security to corporations is not a new idea.  It was proposed by George Bush a few years ago.  The idea is to take the money that would go into social security and let corporations use it to gamble on the stock market instead of letting it sit in a savings account.  Because, ya know, the stock market is so safe.  Does anyone out there have a 401k that does anything but decrease in value?  Your money would probably be safer if you hid it under your stove.

But for Rick Perry this is just another battle he is waging against the general population on behalf of the wealthy.  How will the poor and victimized wealthy citizens of this country respond to Rick Perry?  Sure, all this talk about fighting for the rich and powerful is nice but does he have an actual record we can judge him on?

In 2007, hair piece issued an executive order in Texas that required all twelve year old girls to be given a new HPV vaccine.  Hmmm, odd at the very least but not necessarily a blow to the Progressive horde.

This is odd for two reasons.  Rick Perry is supposedly anti-big government and it’s not a small under taking to acquire and force every twelve year old girl in Texas to be injected by the state.  It is also strange because it was a Governor mandate.  The Republicans controlled the Texas state legislature and could have easily passed any law they wanted, so why push this in such a strange way.  What if Obama mandated that all eight year old boys receive the swine flu vaccination without taking the issue to congress?  The next day you would have thousands of people in the street supporting swine flu.

Holy Shit!

Only when we take a closer look at the inner workings of the Rick Perry administration do we find his true and valiant motive.  His chief of staff at the time was a man named Mike Toomey.  But Mike had another job.  He was a lobbyist for MERC, the pharmaceutical company that manufactures such things as……HPV vaccinations.  Starting to make sense?  On the day that the Perry administration finalized the deal…ummm….mandate…they wrote him a check for five grand, essentially putting the Governor of Texas on their payroll.  This wasn’t the only time they paid him off, this was just his little girl vaccination payoff.

Rick Perry – HPV Vaccination

During the last Republican debate, even Michelle “I’m as crazy as they come” Bachmann called him out on this one.  How did slick Rick respond?

“It was a $5,000 contribution that I had received from them,” Perry said. “I raised about 30 million dollars, and if you’re saying that I can be bought for 5,000, I’m offended.” - Rick Perry

What I find amusing about this statement is that first, he didn’t deny that they paid him off for the political hand job he gave them.  Second,  that suggesting that he can be “bought” doesn’t seem offend him.  No, what offends him is that she was suggesting that he can be bought for five grand.  He doesn’t come out and say what the going rate is on a one time purchase of his compromised ethics is but we are left to assume that it’s somewhere between five grand and thirty million dollars.  What a pillar of integrity.  The fact that this was said out loud in a Presidential debate is outstanding.  I guess you really need to know who you’re voting for and for how much you can buy them.

So the rich and powerful have nothing to fear and everything to gain from a Perry Presidency.  He will fight the poor and impoverished for their representative rights and their money and put it back where it belongs…in the hands of the wealthy.

There have been many people that have come before Rick Perry to blame the problems of society on one particular group like…the gays…or the Jews…or the liberals.  Societies like Nazi Germany claimed that these inferior classes of people were “out to get them.”  Of course they didn’t have that Texas charm.  The Nazi’s are obviously the easy example but it’s been the same story throughout history.  Find a group of people who don’t think like you do, demonize them, amp up the fear and rhetoric about them then crusade against them, gain more power.  Wash, rinse, repeat.

Nazi Germany

Nicht mit Texas Durcheinander

In Rick Perry’s America, anyone who has a different point of view than he does is an outsider.  Not only will he never listen to anyone else’s point of view, he will see it as an attack by anti-American forces.  This is why he can propose shit like seceding from the union and not be labeled as a traitor.  By claiming that America has been taken over by evil forces like Progressives, he can make it seem like he’s still a patriot fighting to take his country back.  But please, whatever you do, don’t challenge him in person.  Rick Perry is always, and I do mean always, packing heat and he will shoot you in the face.

Yosemite Sam contributed 1.36 million dollars to the Rick Perry campaign in 2007

Rick Perry – Packing Heat

And for the record, cowboy hats are fucking stupid.  Stop dressing like a child, besides, you’re hair is your most electable feature, don’t cover it up.

Because dressing like a pirate while running for President would just be silly

3 comments

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  1. datsun82 says:

    Wow, Mr. Jack, your words are as smooth as butter.
    They also give me chest-pains.
    Which is ALSO just like butter.

    How odd, eh?

    Agreed ;-)

    And now, I need to read some more stuff.
    It’s a hobby of mine, I assure you.
    Trust me, when you’re unemployed (like me), you can really call anything you do more than once a day a hobby HAHAHAHA

    1. Christian says:

      Also, I’m surprised, no one mentioned my German.

  2. Christian says:

    Thanks for the “Butter” comment dude lol. I guess this comment of yours slipped through the cracks. Well if you would like to stay un-employed, vote for Perry…if not…ummmm…move to China??? No clue.

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